How to sound comprehensible
It's a lost art in the modern world, yet one so important that it needs to be constantly stressed. Your written words are key in the virtual world where facial expressions and verbalization are absent (there's video conferencing and Skype but eh you get what I mean), so it is essential that one masters this art of communication! Here are some tips.
1) Leave spaces
The widest, most conveniently located key on a QWERTY keyboard is the Space Bar. What is its function I hear you desperately pleading? Well to the unenlightened, the space bar functions as a key that inserts a blank gap/space in the field of input. It's kinda hard to tell you what it looks like, so here's an instance of ten spaces:
As you can see, it doesn't really look like much, if anything on it's own. However do not doubt its incredibly important functions! The space bar has been designed to input breaks in between other characters for clearer understanding.
Examples!
"iloveyousomuchithurts" sounds much more a cluster of unintelligible syllables than a sweet albeit stupid lie (how can it hurt?)
Instead,
"I love you so much it hurts."
Clarity my friends!
Call me a stickler for minute details or retarded, but I can't read when you don't put spaces between your words!
2) Leave spaces APPROPRIATELY
THERE IS NO NEED TO USE A SPACE BEFORE A FUCKING PUNCTUATION.
It's a basic rule of punctuation. Learn it.
3) Do not abuse caps lock
Capitalized letters are used for titles, headings etc.
Not for conversation because it equates to shouting.
Use it only when you're angry/want to be blocked
4) Punctuation
Sentences should be ended with full stops/periods. These things look like this ---> .
Break up your sentences with commas. These look like this ---->
Just kidding. I meant this ---> ,
Together with periods, commas enhance the ability of the reader to understand your statement.
5) Appropriate Usage of Emoticons
There's a time and place for everything. Do not use things unnecessarily.
"Hey there! :)"
"Hey there! :D"
This can be used to represent your happiness in talking to someone/make you look like you're trying to be friendly.
"Hey there! :P"
Huh?
Different smileys are used for different things. Here's a general guideline for some more commonly used ones.
:) / :-)
The classic smiley face. Used to represent happiness or general content.
"Thanks! :)"
"No problems :)"
:D
A slight variation of the classic smiley face. The wider, toothed smile represents a greater extent of happiness. It can also be used interchangeably with :)/:-).
:P
It's a face with a tongue sticking out. Used teasingly, possibly combined with sarcasm.
"Sure you did the laundry. :P"
"Your mom. :P"
:O
Used to express shock or curiosity.
"You did WHAT? :O"
"Aunt Leticia was killed by a falling kettle? :O"
-.-
Used to reflect the poor quality of your jokes/ideas/words. I'm not really sure what the face is supposed to resemble. I've alway found this similar to an eye-rolling face but the eyes are closed. Regardless, I call this the Asian face.
"Why did the chicken cross the road?
"Why?"
"I lied, he didn't!"
"-.-"
_|_
Used to represent the middle finger. Usually means you said something offensive.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ONLY 99 FOR THIS TEST!?"
"_|_"
( )======>
Uh... it's a banana!
"I love to eat ( )======>!"
:P
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